Yesterday I was catching up on the blogs that I follow; there are few but most interesting (at least for me) and this one article written by Dr. Perry struck a core in me https://makeitultrapsychology.wordpress.com/2019/01/09/are-you-a-good-friend/
You see, It´s true that one don´t tend to mention oneself when we talk about friends, in my case, for me it´s a given that you need to be your own best friend. I used to jokingly tell my mom that I didn’t know what “cheap psychology” she used in me to be and feel so comfortable in my skin, bottom line is that I like being me. (All corky, silly, serious, emotional, energetic, unapologetically me).One of the constant phrases my mom used to say was: “you need to be able to love and respect yourself in order to give love and respect to others”.
I can recall when I started hearing that little voice that would berate me when I made a mistake or things did not go accordingly as I wanted too. I would say to myself “are you stupid”? or “Idiot!!” I was my worst enemy at those moments and it wasn´t because I didn’t love myself, I believed it was providing myself with tough love, knowing that I was capable of doing (not thinking) things perfectly or that my expectation was higher for myself than anyone else’s and it was not to please my parents because believe me when I tell you that at that stage in my life I was playing to my own beat but I think it had to do with a multitude of things, first of all I had moved back to the States, was getting used to being one in a million instead of being one in a thousand, working for someone who was in the medical field for all the wrong reasons (money vs. caring) and just getting used to my surroundings without my family and friends.
I really can´t tell you when it stopped or I stopped or should I say I modified the way I spoke to myself, maybe when I realized that there is no such thing as being perfect but doing the best you can when you have taken the time and all the necessary steps to doing it to the best of your abilities and capability. Nowadays I do hear me saying “common, you can do it”, “don´t give up”, “do it at your pace”, “breathe, “don’t get frustrated” (mostly when I am at pole or cross fit). The rest of the time I take care of all of me, (The child, the parent and the adult state) by giving time and love to each one of these states which results in me being able to be a better well grounded person specifically dealing with the vicissitudes of everyday life and people.
But maybe I should start saying it out loud and recognize and give the proper recognition (to myself) for being my first and longest best friend, who has being my strength, my courage, my love even when I had the tiniest sense of self-doubt.
Thank you Dr. Perry for reminding me that it’s not a given and I should not take myself for granted.